Mounds don't?

*Lazy Lie*

You know the commercial "Sometimes you feel like a nut...sometimes you don't"? Well, what if you feel like neither. Right now i feel like a rubber duckie. Splish splash mother-f***er.

Bark at the Sun

Well, woke up today as a werewolf. Now I know what your thinking, "How can you be a werewolf during the day?" Well, I guess I'm a reverse werewolf smarty. You know, werewolves come out during a full moon... well, I came out during a full...um...sun. So I did what any normal werewolf does during the day. I joined the high school baskeball team and friggin dominated cause no one could block a werewolf, did a little bit of car-surfing on my friend's van while he drove, played a southern-general in my school's play, and went to the dance and invented my own dance while hundreds of my peers danced along with me. Yep, everyday life as a werewolf rocks. Tomorrow I plan on working as a chef in a restaurant. I wonder if I need a body-hair net.

Overnight Sensation

Ever heard the phrase "Overnight sensation"? Well, that's what I became last night...it kinda stinks that my fame didn't come over to today. But man, did I do alot overnight...too bad you all were asleep, cause I was all over the news and there were like parades and sh** for me. I was HUGE from the time of 12:00am until about 5:00am.

I got no feet on me!

Living with no feet stinks... allow me to explain myself. This morning, I decided to make myself some breakfast...so I decide "Ehhh...I'll have fried condor eggs" Now some of you might ask "But why don't you just eat regular chicken eggs?" And then I'd say something like "I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you because of the noise from the traffic. Let me close the window" And then you'd say it again and I'd say "Are you serious? Regular chicken eggs? Man, get out of my house right now and don't ever come back or I'll smack you with my shovel and I won't stop until I see brain fragments" In case you didn't know, condor eggs and chicken eggs are almost identical...except for one thing. It's from a condor...not a chicken. And since there are no condor eggs around, I had to go look for one. So I went to the highest mountain in the area, and I found a condor nest. The eggs were huge! But, one thing I didn't count on was the momma conda being in the area. So, the momma basically grabs me by the ankles and flies with me hanging upside down. I would love to tell you the rest, but I basically passed out from the blood rushing to my head. I basically woke up in the street without my feets. And also a note was on my chest that said "Call me for a drink sometime... -Momma Condor" God, condor's are such whores...but they sure are stacked

Well, I ran a marathon today. I mean, it wasn't anything big like the New York Marathon or anything like that...it was more of a "Running away from a big-ass dog because you were found naked with your boss' neice and you forgot to take the BLT out of your back pocket." So basically, I ran for a good hour or so, I never knew dogs could run so fast. It's a damn shame that it basically became a front bumper sticker to that dump truck that just missed me. Poor snuggles.