I got no feet on me!

Living with no feet stinks... allow me to explain myself. This morning, I decided to make myself some breakfast...so I decide "Ehhh...I'll have fried condor eggs" Now some of you might ask "But why don't you just eat regular chicken eggs?" And then I'd say something like "I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you because of the noise from the traffic. Let me close the window" And then you'd say it again and I'd say "Are you serious? Regular chicken eggs? Man, get out of my house right now and don't ever come back or I'll smack you with my shovel and I won't stop until I see brain fragments" In case you didn't know, condor eggs and chicken eggs are almost identical...except for one thing. It's from a condor...not a chicken. And since there are no condor eggs around, I had to go look for one. So I went to the highest mountain in the area, and I found a condor nest. The eggs were huge! But, one thing I didn't count on was the momma conda being in the area. So, the momma basically grabs me by the ankles and flies with me hanging upside down. I would love to tell you the rest, but I basically passed out from the blood rushing to my head. I basically woke up in the street without my feets. And also a note was on my chest that said "Call me for a drink sometime... -Momma Condor" God, condor's are such whores...but they sure are stacked