I bought a gerbil today, not to have as a pet, but to have as a killing machine!! Here's what I'll do: First of all, I painted his fur a jet black...then I put the spider-man logo so he'd look kick-ass. Then, I'd feed him a whole bunch of cheeze-doodles till he gains like 20..no, 30 lbs! Then, I'd teach him karate, just in case he ever gets jumped for his little gerbil wallet. He'll know how to kill a man with his bare paws (and of course with his teeth) I'll also teach him how to speak german, so if he's every approached, people will think he's tough cause he'll be shouting german phrases....the only german phrase I know is "Neine" Germans and their crazy language.