tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54541792011-04-21T18:36:47.976-04:00Daily LiesDaily Lies, cause the truth is just so boring.Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07748453087460889035noreply@blogger.comBlogger261100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454179.post-1101158463399249412004-11-22T16:18:00.000-05:002004-11-22T16:21:03.400-05:00Mounds don't?*Lazy Lie*
You know the commercial "Sometimes you feel like a nut...sometimes you don't"? Well, what if you feel like neither. Right now i feel like a rubber duckie. Splish splash mother-f***er.
Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07748453087460889035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454179.post-1100709249532308382004-11-17T11:26:00.000-05:002004-11-17T11:43:41.266-05:00Bark at the SunWell, woke up today as a werewolf. Now I know what your thinking, "How can you be a werewolf during the day?" Well, I guess I'm a reverse werewolf smarty. You know, werewolves come out during a full moon... well, I came out during a full...um...sun. So I did what any normal werewolf does during the day. I joined the high school baskeball team and friggin dominated cause no one could block a Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07748453087460889035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454179.post-1100619083709813912004-11-16T10:29:00.000-05:002004-11-17T11:44:08.286-05:00Overnight SensationEver heard the phrase "Overnight sensation"? Well, that's what I became last night...it kinda stinks that my fame didn't come over to today. But man, did I do alot overnight...too bad you all were asleep, cause I was all over the news and there were like parades and sh** for me. I was HUGE from the time of 12:00am until about 5:00am.
Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07748453087460889035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454179.post-1100581737919833672004-11-15T23:59:00.000-05:002004-11-17T11:48:18.473-05:00I got no feet on me!Living with no feet stinks... allow me to explain myself. This morning, I decided to make myself some breakfast...so I decide "Ehhh...I'll have fried condor eggs" Now some of you might ask "But why don't you just eat regular chicken eggs?" And then I'd say something like "I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you because of the noise from the traffic. Let me close the window" And then you'd say it again andDanielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07748453087460889035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454179.post-1100580429309677422004-11-15T23:42:00.000-05:002004-11-15T23:47:09.310-05:00Well, I ran a marathon today. I mean, it wasn't anything big like the New York Marathon or anything like that...it was more of a "Running away from a big-ass dog because you were found naked with your boss' neice and you forgot to take the BLT out of your back pocket." So basically, I ran for a good hour or so, I never knew dogs could run so fast. It's a damn shame that it basically became a Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07748453087460889035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454179.post-1093584145699764052004-08-27T01:21:00.000-04:002004-08-27T01:22:25.700-04:00*Lazy Lie*
In some countries, kicking a man while he is down is a sign of absolute respect for him and his pet goat.
Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07748453087460889035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454179.post-1074789320808462692004-01-22T11:35:00.000-05:002004-01-22T11:36:48.686-05:00WoW! What a crazy couple of months I've gone through. Well, in our last episode, our hero (Me!) was given superhuman powers reminiscent to AquaMan's powers. So I went out to the ocean and dove right into the water. Man, I don't think you guys realize, but land is soooo over-rated. Think about it. The majority of the planet is made up of water. Do you know how much crap we're missing just Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07748453087460889035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454179.post-1057073007762378442003-07-01T11:23:00.000-04:002003-07-01T11:23:27.756-04:00I woke up this morning and there was a midget eating a meatball sandwich at the side of my bed. I look over and he's just chomping away. So I say, "May I help you midget?" And he said that he was a dwarf that can give me superhuman powers, like spiderman's webs, the hulk's strength, or even magneto's magnetic power. He told me to choose wisely because that's what I'll be with for the remainderDanielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07748453087460889035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454179.post-1056902584424841912003-06-29T12:03:00.000-04:002003-06-29T12:03:04.336-04:00I know I've been gone for a while, but there is a perfectly good explination. Remember that monkey I told you about...well, on the morning of the 21st I received a voicemail from him saying he was in Tijuana and that he was missing a kidney. So, since I don't have enough loot to fly to Mexico, I decided to drive. I saw alot of cool things on the road...went to many Big Boys burger shops (thereDanielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07748453087460889035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454179.post-1056126102065547402003-06-20T12:21:00.000-04:002003-06-20T12:21:42.163-04:00If you told me 1 year ago that today I would have a monkey named Patches, I would have stabbed you in the heart and called you a damn liar, took a dump in the coffin that they bury you in, dig you up in the middle of the night, tie a noose around your neck, climb to the top of a church, put a sign that said "The devil did this!" and hang you off the cross. Anyways, I got a monkey today. I went Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07748453087460889035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454179.post-1056071125927267012003-06-19T21:05:00.000-04:002003-06-19T21:05:25.910-04:00I cut off the 3rd arm because I was trying to watch The Goonies and it just kept getting in the way.... I'm on my way to the.......hospital now because.....I think that I lost........way too much ......bl.....blood from the arm.....Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07748453087460889035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454179.post-1055983845276389912003-06-18T20:50:00.000-04:002003-06-18T20:51:44.263-04:00I went to the doctor today for my little 3rd arm problem. He said to rub ben-gay on it and call him in the morning. Lazy ass doctor. I didn't know now they require color photos of their patients problems for the purpose of archiving. It was kinda weird when he asked me to put on a two-piece bathing suit though...I don't think he was focusing on my arm problem too. So if anyone knows of a Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07748453087460889035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454179.post-1055861034053929112003-06-17T10:43:00.000-04:002003-06-17T10:43:54.070-04:00I grew a 3rd arm today. I guess it's the New Jersey atmosphere and all the junk food that finally turning me into a mutant. Now you would think that having a 3rd arm is cool and all, it itsn't. The arm grew out of my eyebrow first of all, 2nd, it has no bones in it so it's just hanging there, and 3rd, there are no fingers or a wrist....so it's just a long piece of skin (how is know it's an armDanielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07748453087460889035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454179.post-1055804414213176432003-06-16T19:00:00.000-04:002003-06-16T19:00:13.820-04:00I was sent a check today for 10 bucks for appearing in The Hulk movie. Apparently I was in the right place at the right time, I was somewhere in the backround and they gave me some loot so I don't sue. I got some big plans with that 10 bucks....big plans....like buying 10 dollars worth in socks! And yes, I did mean to say socks, not stocks. Goddamn grammar teacherz!Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07748453087460889035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454179.post-1055734549351459992003-06-15T23:35:00.000-04:002003-06-16T11:50:13.756-04:00I was stuck in a well today. You see, I bought this really good taco from the Taco Shack (it's a combination of radio shack and taco bell...it's pretty cool, you can get a pack of AAA's and a burrito for 1.99, I think it's their #3 value meal) So I had my burrito and AAA's in my hands when I passed by a well. I tripped and dropped both of them into the well! So I decided to do a McGuiver and Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07748453087460889035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454179.post-1055605903954097332003-06-14T11:51:00.000-04:002003-06-14T11:51:43.993-04:00*Lazy Lie*
If you lick a metal post in the middle of winter, a genie will come out and grant you 6 wishes (he's a special genie, none of that 3 wishes crap)Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07748453087460889035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454179.post-1055524191673478912003-06-13T13:09:00.000-04:002003-06-13T13:10:23.173-04:00I bought a gerbil today, not to have as a pet, but to have as a killing machine!! Here's what I'll do: First of all, I painted his fur a jet black...then I put the spider-man logo so he'd look kick-ass. Then, I'd feed him a whole bunch of cheeze-doodles till he gains like 20..no, 30 lbs! Then, I'd teach him karate, just in case he ever gets jumped for his little gerbil wallet. He'll know how Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07748453087460889035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454179.post-1055436485057424442003-06-12T12:48:00.000-04:002003-06-12T12:49:43.183-04:00I signed up for the World's Strongest Man competition today...those guys could use me as toilet paper. Now if you all know me, you all know that I'm probably not the strongest person in the world. Or the brightest for that matter. Well, these two came into play when I signed up. I was at school and there were these two tables set up to sign up for stuff. One was for the World's Strongest ManDanielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07748453087460889035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454179.post-1055352293200804072003-06-11T13:24:00.000-04:002003-06-11T13:25:35.823-04:00Alyssa Milano keeps on calling me man. I met her at a party at this hotel I used to work at and she asked me for my number. I swear to god, she calls me like once a day and I can't take it anymore. She always wants to talk about stupid shit too when all I want to know is how the hell Tony Danza is. Man, that show kicked ass. I never saw the first episode so I never understood why Tony was Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07748453087460889035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454179.post-1055260530348813892003-06-10T11:55:00.000-04:002003-06-10T12:03:56.753-04:00Well, today was supposed to be the greatest day of my life. I, Daniel Perez, actually won the lottery. My grandmother has been trying to win it for so many years, and then I go out yesterday, buy a ticket for the hell of it, and I'm 5.2 million dollars richer. So I did what anyone would do. I went to Atlantic City and betted my millions in order to get..........billions? So I took one of Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07748453087460889035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454179.post-1055190298910933252003-06-09T16:24:00.000-04:002003-06-09T16:24:58.920-04:00Finally, I was set free by the feds earlier today. They said due to my singing of "100000000000000 bottles of beer on the wall" they decided to let me go since they really couldn't find anything out from me. Score 2 for castro! Oh sweat, I forgot to get my coupon to go to Outback Steakhouse. Sons of bitches!Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07748453087460889035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454179.post-1055177281920309102003-06-09T12:48:00.000-04:002003-06-09T12:48:01.923-04:00*TRUTH* Yea yea, I know, I said I'd update the site everyday, but yesterday wasn't my fault at all. I had the inspirative juices flowing, and when I went to update my site, blogger.com was offline.....so an hour later, I tried again, and the site was still down....and I had to go to my brother's baseball game, so I said F it and I just left. So I hope you like todays update, it's a day late, Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07748453087460889035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454179.post-105502823239608572003-06-07T19:23:00.000-04:002003-06-07T19:27:09.376-04:00Well, still in the government building. The thing that's keeping me going is the idea of going to Outback after all this is over. This is complete bull-s***. Now they're accusing me of putting the cork in Sammy Sosa's bat. They think I have a motive because I'm cuban and Sammy is Dominican. These guys are really bright, it actually was me, but I didn't know the bat was going to break. My Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07748453087460889035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454179.post-1054911500671895312003-06-06T10:58:00.000-04:002003-06-06T10:58:20.680-04:00I woke up in the basement of a government building again tied to a chair with a single light shining above me. I hate when this happens. Everytime the Americans swear I have some information, they always kidnap me and ask me questions about the cuban government and the soviets and all that crap. Why can't they just call me on my cellie? It'll be so much easier and I'm sure the minutes won't Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07748453087460889035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454179.post-1054821406191315632003-06-05T09:56:00.000-04:002003-06-05T09:57:22.210-04:00Well, my limousine driver was late again this morning. It's pretty sweet though that he showed up with Ms. Japan from the recent Ms. Universe competition. Man, she was hot, but it sucked that I couldn't communicate with her. Except for of course the phrase "Me love you long time". And I suuuuuure did *wink wink* I guess everyone is a fan of good 'ol Full Metal Jacket. Even though the second Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07748453087460889035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454179.post-1054781347227276502003-06-04T22:49:00.000-04:002003-06-04T22:49:07.433-04:00Well, today is the 1st day of my new blog. This blog will try to have a new lie everyday, cause like I stated in my site description, lies just seem that much more interesting. I just wonder what kind of lies I could think up. Well, this is going to be the only truth, the NBA Finals are on and my Nets are losing, so I must concentrateDanielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07748453087460889035noreply@blogger.com